Shane Molinari, 22

“I was always very defensive and would react with anger fits. But deep down I just wanted to be loved and validated.”

I was a pretty good kid, but I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, so I’ve always kind of had felt blank and stale. I got into fights and was loud and hyper all the time. When I was just a couple months into high school, and getting into this phase where I want to be validated and feel like everybody else, one day my friend was like, ‘hey, have you heard of this thing called weed?’ And I remember I did it for the first time, and I just felt like this euphoria, like man, I don’t feel like any restraints and no anxiety. It started off once a month, then twice a week, then, next thing you know, I’m smoking weed every day. And I hated the feeling of being sober.

And then junior year goes by and I start getting into trouble. I started going to juvenile hall, and I did 4 months before my 18th birthday. And the first day out, my friend came over, we have weed, and then, this is when the pills got introduced, oxycodone, Xanax. And the first time I took something like that, I felt the most confident person in this entire world.

I never got to graduate because of my addiction. The more drugs I did, the worse my mental health became. I began experiencing psychosis, paranoia and extreme anxiety and depression. And everyone I knew was using drugs. It was a very dark and lonely time. I became so messed up from my addiction, I was a complete broken mess of a human being. And I felt angry at the entire world for the pain in my life. I just couldn’t stop relapsing, I just couldn’t. I couldn’t find the inner willpower to quit, because whenever I’m around a drug, I instantly get tunnel vision and there’s something in my mind that’s driving me towards it, trying to control and say, ‘you need this now.’ And this is the hardest part of my addiction, fighting with myself.

I was dealing with a lot of anger, and I wouldn’t let anybody give me a smack talk or anything like that, I was always very defensive and would react with anger fits. But deep down I just wanted to be loved and validated.

At the time I didn’t realize the people in my life who love me, who do have my back and would do anything for me. And, you know, that’s when I realized, you know, like, no friends ain’t friends ain’t shit, family is everything for me. Family is one of the most beautiful things in this life to live for, you know.

To be able to, you know, really face something like that head on and just have the willpower to say I will not do that today, I’m going to be sober today, and I am going to get high off life, because that’s the best high, right?

Shane lives in a Sober Living Home for the last 9 months, has a full-time job and appreciates a restored and amazing relationship with his family. “I’m here for a reason, I’m here to grow. And 20 years from now, you know, really just look back and be like, Wow, it’s been an amazing, beautiful journey. I just feel good about myself.”